If you believe all the rumours then Alan Carr has everyone from Jennifer Lopez to Mariah Carey on speed-dial these days.
But the man himself admits he’s not on personal terms with most of the Hollywood stars who sit on his chat show couch week in, week out.
“They’re not all my friends,” Alan, 35, says in his trademark excitable honk of a voice.
“Adele is a genuine friend… that’s about the only one that’s true. she came to my house the other night. With all that money she’s made she brought the cheapest s**t bottle of wine over.
Alan and J-Lo
“I asked why she’s bringing crap like that round my house when she’s on that bloody rich list, but she’ll never change.”
Alan’s Chatty Man is one of the highest-rated talk shows around, he’s just wrapped his sold-out Spexy Beast arena tour of the UK, and he’s the toast of the comedy world.
But just because his credentials are impressive on paper doesn’t mean he has to act like one of the celebs he interviews.
He claims to have a “morbidly obese BMI”, cuts triangles in his trousers so he can lie about his waist size and works out purely so he can eat more.
“I have the same personal trainer as Dermot O’Leary but I feel he’s doing a very different workout than me,” he says with a naughty smirk. “the trouble is I like eating.
“Dermot has a six-pack. I’m more like Natalie Cassidy…. I go up and down. I wish I could be pencil-thin but I love food and life too much.
“I do physical training twice a week and he tells me to run by myself which I do. But I can’t believe I’m so fat. my BMI is morbidly obese. I’m on the red bit that says, ‘call a doctor if you’re going to do a s**t’.
Alan walking with Adele
“I cut a V in the back of my trousers because I can’t fit into them. I actually do that. That way you’re still a 34 inch waist despite filling it with something more. I also love standing next to fat people when I’m filming these days. It’s the only way to look slim.
“I permanently need Alison Hammond and Bella Emberg near me. I feel like a right bitch now as Alison is so lovely.”
Alan, whose dad is ex-Northampton Town and Nuneaton Borough FC manager Graham Carr, says he will never get married despite being settled down for the past two years with partner Paul.
“everyone wants Paul and me to get married,” he fumes. “I don’t believe in it at all. I’ve seen so many marriages go up the swanny. so many go wrong.
“You spend a week in the Ukraine on the stag do, then there’s the wedding in the Highlands, with an Alice in Wonderland theme and two months down the line it goes wrong at a cost of £10,000.”
Alan with Adele on show
And he laughs off the idea of joining the growing line of celebrity gay dads.
“There’s no way in hell we would have kids,” he says.
“I can’t even look after a bloody red setter. I’ve got two of them and it’s hard work. I won’t have kids but I’m a godfather to loads of wonderful children. I love them when they come but it’s lovely when they go.”
Alan made his name in 2006 with comedy partner Justin Lee Collins on Channel 4’s Friday Night Project.
The pair split in 2009 but you get the feeling Alan was glad to be able to go it alone and carve a career of his own. the pair are hardly in touch these days but Alan says there’s been no big fall-out.
“Justin texts me every so often,” he says.
“I’m not saying we’re best mates… we don’t have tattoos with each other’s names on us. But there wasn’t a fallout. the thing was we got a bit sick of the Friday Night Project. the budgets were all cut, we couldn’t afford the prize at the end and we couldn’t do the show the way we wanted to.
Justin Lee Collins
“I remember once dressing as Grace Jones – all I had was a black bag. That’s all they could afford. I had two holes cut in the bag for my legs and came out in hives.
“Justin lives in Bristol, I live in London,” says Alan.
“It’s a bit like when you ask a former X Factor contestant if they still keep in touch with Simon Cowell. it just doesn’t happen. Justin’s got a kid and a wife. we rose to fame together and truth be known we were only supposed to stand in for one week as Jimmy Carr wasn’t available.
“I will be going to see Justin in the West End in Rock of Ages some time soon. But to be honest he is so skinny and thin these days it’s hard to like him.”
Alan jokes: “He won’t tell me how he’s lost that weight at all… it’s probably speed! His hair was getting bigger and thicker as mine was receding and his belly was getting thinner as I was getting fatter.
“it was like he was sucking my blood. no but honestly, I’m pleased for him being on the stage and happy… he always wanted to sing.”
Alan admits he went on a date with fashion fixer Gok Wan when he was single. But things didn’t work out because they didn’t take things seriously.
“People wanted us to be a couple and we did go out a few times and everything but then it was always so funny,” he giggles.
“When we were on a date we were both tweeting. I like Gok but it didn’t go further than dinner. He’s a great friend.
“saying that, it was a bit of a p***take when he came round to my home for Fashion Fix and said I was the worst dressed person ever. Friends don’t do that!”
Alan is gearing up for Christmas after wrapping up the Spexy Beast nationwide tour. He’s thrilled to have been back doing stand-up once again and says he’ll never forget his comedy roots.
“It’s four years since I’ve been on the road,” he says.
“I could have been cashing in far more. I mean the merchandise is where you earn the cash. I sell Alan Carr dog-poo bags to start with. Seriously. my idea. I’ve got two dogs and you always get caught out.”
Alan adds: “it was fun doing shows live again. I started off by testing out my material above pubs and they were grim. really grim.
“People were shocked I was there and then there were some who can’t stand you and were yelling, ‘you’re s***’.
“And they do it all the way through. I’d made my name in pubs like this and it was supposed to be a treat that there I was playing in their local pubs.”
Alan reveals he still struggles with pre-show nerves. “I never puke with nerves,” he says. “I get nervous, irritable and ratty and can’t eat before I do a show… that’s why I’m so fat. I come off at 10.30pm and have a Ginsters pasty.”
Meanwhile there’s one star he’s still desperate to get on the couch for Chatty Man – Madonna. But it seems he wants to interview the pop superstar as she was 15 years ago.
“I would love Madonna but she doesn’t do anything and she’s not that much fun these days,” he says.
“I think I’d be able to get a good interview out of her, though. I look back at those old Madonna clips and want the really naughty Madonna who wants to talk about sex and touch herself.
“now she’s all about Malawi and all that. maybe a Lambrini on the show would loosen her up and she’d be great.”
ALAN Carr: Chatty Man is on Channel 4 on Sundays at 10pm. His new DVD Spexy Beast is out now.
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